Shenanigans
by 9science
Summary: If Uchiha Sasuke had never found that first photograph, a long forgotten memory tucked away in his mother's book— the one of a pair of newly-promoted kunoichi, smiling proudly in their hard-earned chuunin vests... Then everything would have been different. Who is she, this Uzumaki Kushina? (Oneshot, giftfic for EverRose808.)


**Shenanigans**

 _Once I was seven years old, my momma told me—_ _  
_ _Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely._ _  
_ _Once I was seven years old..._

* * *

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto. Also, this oneshot is standalone and not related to Transposed 'verse.

* * *

Several months have passed since that night— the night his life was irrevocably changed.

On one particularly warm Saturday morning, Sasuke finds himself awake at what most children would consider an unreasonably early hour. This is in part due to the bright sunshine playing over his face, but mostly because he never sleeps well anymore.

Discovering that all of his homework is completed to his exacting standards, and with little else to do in the way of chores, Sasuke decides that it's time to sort through his parents' possessions.

Sasuke's self-appointed task is mostly motivated by his sense of filial duty, with just a small dash of curiosity.

His parents had been flawed, and mortal, and not invincible after all, and not— not just his parents. He realizes now, that even his parents are just people. And understanding that, he wants to know what sort of people they were, what sort of ninja they were... because he remembers them only as Mother and Father.

He's already decided that man's things could go straight into storage. Or be burned in a bonfire. Or... well, he'll think of something appropriate eventually.

Sasuke rapidly pushes those thoughts aside. Dwelling on— on everything that happened, would only slow him down. Better to learn, and grow, and burn the homicidal bastard to ashes when he finally gets strong enough.

And he will become strong enough.

He will.

In another world, Uchiha Sasuke never decided to sort through his parent's belongings, instead hiring a team of genin to pack them up and pushing the matter from his mind forever. And thus, he never found the photograph, the one that changed everything.

About halfway through his self-appointed task, Sasuke finds himself placing his mother's collection of books, one by one, into a cardboard box. He flips through one or two, stirring up dust. He's left these rooms undisturbed since returning from the hospital, so everything is covered by a grey film.

Unfortunately, this dust inevitably irritates his nose and— he sneezes, loudly, not for the first time today. "Wa-ah-achoo!"

'The Art of War for Kunoichi' slips from his hands and clatters to the floor with a dull thump, the corner of a small paper square sliding from between the pages.

 _Probably just a..._ "Bookmark?"

There is some sort of writing on the paper.

Sasuke tugs the maybe-bookmark free, pulling it out completely, and flips it over in his palm.

A much younger version of his mother smiles up at him— he blinks away tears for a few seconds, and then rubs at his eyes in frustration.

 _No more tears, Sasuke. You_ _swore_ _._

Focusing back on the unexpected find, he studies the photograph intently. Beside his mother stands a boisterous-looking redhead sporting a wide grin, obviously a close friend considering the arm slung over Mother's of them are wearing standard chuunin vests.

 _Who..?_

He flips the photograph back over and reads the note written in an untidy scrawl— it's addressed to his mother.

 _ **Mikoto-chaaan!**_

 _ **I can't believe we made it to chuunin rank together! We're so awesome!**_

 _ **(Minato-kun finally got this photo developed, so I had to share!)**_

A scribbled smiley-face, stylized to match the energetic redheaded girl that was his mother's friend.

And underneath, is the author's name— _**Uzumaki Kushina**_.

 _Mother's best friend, maybe?_

He recalls from his classwork that two kunoichi are rarely placed in one genin team, so probably not her teammate.

But... Sasuke doesn't recall ever meeting, or even hearing of an Uzumaki Kushina.

 _Could she have died before I was born? Maybe in the Third Ninja War or the Kyuubi Attack?_

 _Or maybe she and Mother had a fight?_

Somehow, he can't imagine the two girls smiling up at him being separated by a petty argument.

A mild pang in his chest— envy.

 _I wish I had a friend like that. Someone I could depend on._

But Sasuke is always alone, and... Sometimes he almost manages to convince himself that it's better that way. Nobody else will get hurt.

There are more photos hidden away in his mother's books, each with a small note on the back, some in his mother's hand, and some in Kushina-san's. He starts flipping through all of the books on the shelf, even going back to those he'd already packed away, hoping to find more lost memories.

Promotions to jounin. First his mother, then Kushina-san.

His mother, one hand gently cradling her stomach, pregnant with—with Itachi. Radiant with happiness.

Kushina beaming, hand-in-hand with a strangely familiar blonde man. Sasuke realizes upon reading the note that accompanies the latter photo that 'Minato-kun' or 'Blondaime'... had been the Yondaime Hokage. No wonder he seemed familiar. Sasuke saw the Hokage Monument every day, from his seat near the window at the Ninja Academy.

The last and 'newest' photo he can find is of his mother. She is heavily pregnant. A very young Itachi clings to her leg, staring at the photographer with trepidation. On the back, in that now-familiar scribble—

 _ **Good Morning, Mikoto-chaaan!**_

 _ **Minato-kun snuck me this photo of you a few days ago. I wonder if Sasuke-chan has arrived yet?**_

 _ **Let's raise our children together, Mikoto-chan!**_

 _ **I'm sure they'll be best friends... I bet they'll even be placed on the same genin team!**_

 _ **Uzumaki and Uchiha— An Awesome, Unbeatable Duo! (Hey, we've proven it's true!) I'll bully Blondaime into allowing it. ;)**_

 _ **We'll teach them to be totally cool ninja! I can handle fuuinjutsu, and you're great at chakra control and genjutsu, and we can both teach them kenjutsu. (Ha! I suppose I should let Blondaime-kun teach them something, too. Ninjutsu, then? And I guess Fugaku can teach them how to be boring sticks-in-the-mud. I'm kidding—don't Uchiha-scowl at me so! What if your face sticks that way?)**_

 _ **Oh! We've finally decided on a name— Naruto.**_

 _ **Don't laugh, don't laugh! It's actually from '**_ _ **The Tale of the Utterly**_ _ **Gutsy**_ _ **Shinobi**_ _ **'... Minato-kun really loves that book. I've sent you a copy with this photo, so you can read it to Itachi-chan and, when he's a little older, Sasuke-chan.**_

 _ **Aa! I can't wait to meet little Sasuke-chan!**_

 _ **See you soon!**_

 _ **Uzumaki Kushina**_

Sasuke leans back against the book case. It's empty, now, because of his enthusiasm. Piles of books are scattered across the floor, a rough semicircle surrounding him, tossed aside in his search for his mother's keepsakes.

 _...Naruto, huh?_

The name sounds vaguely familiar. Could it be—?

 _Uzumaki._

 _Uzumaki..._

 _Uzumaki Naruto? That loudmouthed blond kid from the class across the hall?_

Sasuke mulls it over. Naruto is his age, and an orphan. Kind of unpopular, too, from what he can recall.

He shares a last name with Uzumaki Kushina. That would make sense, especially if Uzumaki Kushina was dead, because his father was—

Sasuke pales, flipping the photo back over, purposefully not thinking about how he's probably just stumbled upon a village secret.

He gathers the small pile of mementos and hurries from the room, hiding the photos away in his copy of 'The Tale of the Utterly _Gutsy_ Shinobi'. Mother read that book to him over a dozen times; starting from when he was very, very young. It's a childish story, but... it's also the first book he ever read by himself. He'd never misplace it. What better place to store his treasures?

He'll decide what, if anything, he's going to do with this knowledge later.

But... maybe this Naruto kid would be the sort of person that could be his friend. Their mothers had been friends, and obviously wanted the same for their sons.

He would do that, in her memory— honor that lost future.

* * *

It's lunchtime, and Uzumaki Naruto feels goosebumps dance over the back of his neck. He reaches up casually and scratches at the spot.

 _Again. Someone's staring again._

It's the third time this week! Yesterday, like today, it was at lunch. The other time, it happened in the afternoon, when he decided to hang around the academy training fields and train some.

He hopes it isn't another older kid looking to punish him for the glitter incident last week— which was totally and completely not his fault! He could do without more bruises. Even if they heal pretty quickly, it still hurts!

He hadn't even been at the academy the afternoon the prank had occurred, having decided to skive off and avoid that day's math lesson completely. _Math is boring; and who needs it, anyway?_

But that's the downside for being a known prankster.

 _Who am I kidding? Everything is my fault if you ask those— those_ _jerks_ _._

He forces a grin and slurps his miso ramen down a little faster, just in case. Better to finish before whoever it is decides to make a move.

Five minutes later, his thoughts of the awesomeness that is ramen and daydreams about the sort of prank he should try next are rudely interrupted by a soft cough.

Naruto glances up, eyes narrowed into comical slits and wide grin blinding in its brightness— even though he doesn't feel particularly happy today, since Isao-sensei embarrassed him in front of the class again.

 _No, I'm happy. I really, really am!_

Dark eyes stare back, scrutinizing... The pale, dark-haired boy frowning down at him doesn't look familiar.

"Umm..?"

An awkward silence hangs between them, finally broken when— "You're... Uzumaki Naruto, right?" The boy's voice is quiet, a little raspy, like he doesn't talk much, but he doesn't seem aggressive. Naruto relaxes slightly.

"Yeah. What's it to ya?"

"...What's your mother's name?"

Naruto's smile fades rapidly, because if there's one thing that's a sore spot for him, it's being alone. An orphan that nobody besides the old man and the animal masks gives a damn about.

Arms crossing over his chest defensively, he replies. "Dunno." You _gonna make fun of me for it?_

"Oh..." The boy seems a little taken aback by his answer. "Our mothers were friends, I think. You look a little like her friend did, anyway. Though your hair is really different."

Naruto stares at him dumbly for a few seconds, hope rising in his chest, but— _it's not worth it to hope, it's probably just another mean joke._

People lie.

People lie, just to hurt him again, and again, and again. But he'll keep smiling at them anyway.

"Prove it," he insists stubbornly.

"Okay." The quieter boy answers, sitting down beside Naruto and fishing a folded photograph out of a pocket in his white shorts. He rubs gingerly at the crease, and then offers it to Naruto. "Don't rip it." The stern warning is accompanied with a fierce glare, "I only have the one copy."

He points at the dark haired woman in the picture, "My mother's the one on the right. The one on the left is her best friend, Uzumaki Kushina. She smiles kind of like you. And your faces are similar." He pauses, expression somber, "I think... she died a long time ago. Mother never talked about her."

Naruto stares at the picture, squinting. And—the boy is right. The redhead in the picture could definitely be related to him, just like the dark haired woman shares a lot of features with the kid next to him.

"Uzumaki Kushina." He tests the name out. Something is his chest squeezes in pain.

"Uzumaki Kushina."

 _Could you really be my mom?_

"Dunno. The old man said my parents died fighting the fox," Naruto mutters, and passes the picture back to the dark haired boy; he probably wouldn't get to keep it anyway.

He stares resolutely at his scraped up knees, fighting off tears. _Crying never helps anything._

"He said there weren't even any pictures left or anything. And that I could learn more about them when 'm older and an awesome ninja 'cause it's dan-ger-ous..." He feels just a little betrayed. The old man was always kind to him. How come some random kid found a picture of his maybe-mom first?

 _Come to think of it..._ "Who're you anyway?"

The boy— "Sasuke," flushes in embarrassment, cheeks turning a light pink, "Uchiha Sasuke." The picture disappears back into the pocket it came from. "My parents died a couple months ago," Sasuke offers, looking a little how Naruto felt in the dark of night, when he thought about his own parents.

They sit in quietly for a few minutes, each drowning in his own dark thoughts. This time, Naruto breaks the silence first. "Why'd you think she's my mom?"

"Some old notes. Kushina-san was going to name her kid Naruto. And you really do look like her; I watched you for a while to make sure."

"Oh." Naruto supposes that she really could be his mom, then. There weren't any other kids named Uzumaki Naruto that he knew of. Nor anyone else named Uzumaki or Naruto, for that matter.

He's not sure if he wants to burst into tears or laugh in joy, now. The feelings that come from finally— _Finally!_ — knowing a little about one of his parents are just too much. "...Thanks." He gifts Sasuke with a shy, watery smile.

The small smile he receives in return is just as hesitant. "You're welcome."

Silence again, but contented this time.

The school bell will be ringing soon, calling them back to class.

"Do you want to come to my place after school and see some more of the photos?"

"Y-yeah."

Because of that photograph, the one Uchiha Sasuke found completely by accident, Naruto has made his first real friend.

* * *

"Run faster, teme! Faster!"

 _How did befriending Naruto lead to_ _this_ _?!_ An eleven year old Uchiha Sasuke wonders.

But really, Naruto grew on him quickly. _Like mold on a sandwich._ _Although he is_ _very_ _annoying sometimes._

"Faster!"

 _...Like when he manages to convince me to help him with his pranks._

This, of course, refers to their current, desperate retreat from a crowd of angry chuunin sensei. Sasuke can only thank whatever patron god of the Uchiha is listening that he has the sense not to participate in the execution of said pranks.

It's kept him safe from discovery over the past three years.

Iruka-sensei learned of his friendship with Naruto only this year—so he could suspect. The Hokage and the ANBU, too, now that he thinks of it. But the civilian populace of the village, and his classmates, seem entirely ignorant of either fact.

If his involvement is ever discovered by anyone interested in actually punishing him, he would appear to be a reluctant ally, at best. His largest contributions are helping Naruto refine his initial ideas and fine-tune his planning. Nothing that could be easily proven.

Besides that? Occasionally, for a particularly high-risk plan, he'll act as lookout or help provide an alibi— it's not often he lets Naruto convince him to don a **Henge no Jutsu** and eat ramen for a few hours, even if it is good practice at deception!

Unfortunately, this particular afternoon, Naruto careened past his favorite ramen stand during the desperate flight from his pursuers, and Sasuke had to follow or be caught.

This is why there are currently two identical Uzumaki Naruto breathing hard while their feet beat a steady rhythm on the pavement.

"We need to split up," the Naruto that is Sasuke yells, fighting the urge to gasp for breath. "They can't see us right now, and deciding which of us to follow should slow them down."

"Yeah, yeah... I don't get why you're so worried."

"We're being chased by a crowd of angry chuunin that have power over our grades and ability to become ninja," Not-Naruto's expression is incredulous. "You don't see this as a reason to be worried?" A pause. "Ugh, never mind. What the hell did you do anyway?"

"Oh, I tested your suggestion— in the lounge for our sensei at school. The glue bombs work brilliant, by the way. Good in combination with that case of rainbow feathers you got me for my birthday."

"Sometimes, I really hate you, Naruto." Not-Naruto sighs in resignation. "Okay. Let's take different turns near the dango place."

He slows his pace marginally, letting Naruto disappear from sight at the mentioned crossroad before donning a very Naruto-esque manic grin and glancing back at the angry crowd chasing them... just long enough for that lot to catch a glimpse.

Swerving around the corner, he practically dives into a nearby alley and drops the **Henge no Jutsu** , fumbling for the sealing scroll in his pocket. Biting down, hard, on his left thumb, he swipes a smear of blood over the seal, removing a manga— the newest in a series he's been following for a while. The scroll is hastily stuffed back in his pocket.

His timing is perfect.

As he ambles casually out of the alleyway, nose in his book— though still quite sweaty and just slightly out of breath, a group of chuunin covered in glue and feathers careens around the corner.

 _I'm not far from the nearest training grounds... I can always claim I came from there if they get_ _really_ _suspicious._

"There he is!" Someone in crowd yells upon spotting him.

"Don't think you can just **Henge** your way out of trouble, Uzumaki!" _That's definitely Mizuki-sensei's voice._

One of the chuunin grabs him roughly by the arm— hard enough to bruise a civilian kid, certainly, but not a ninja-in-training.

Sasuke blinks over the top of his manga, carefully schooling his expression to look slightly startled as well as vaguely annoyed at the interruption. "Hn?"

 _Idiots— you should know by now Iruka-sensei_ _always_ _chooses the right direction to go in. He probably smelled this gambit a mile away._

Someone in the crowd yells— "Kai!" trying to dispel the illusion.

Except there is no illusion.

The chuunin manhandling him looks quite shamefaced, letting go immediately, as if he'd been burned. "Ah! S-sorry, Uchiha-san! We, err... We thought you were someone else."

"Hn." Sasuke glares poisonously at the assembled group, and then pretends to return his attention to the book. "Whatever."

 _Naruto, you can handle the rest._

* * *

It's a little over a week before their graduation exam and Naruto is getting desperate. Sasuke himself isn't feeling particularly optimistic about his friend's chances at passing.

" **Bunshin no Jutsu**!" Naruto yells. A billow of white smoke surrounds him. The trio of clones that appear look nearly transparent and their expressions are particularly vapid, as well. One of them collapses immediately in a poof of smoke. The orange-clad boy curses vehemently.

Sasuke just shakes his head at the expletives, covering his eyes with a palm. "Naruto, are you even trying? Again."

The blonde bristles in indignation, "But Sasuke-teme!"

"Do you want to pass the exam next week or not? Do it again," is Sasuke's frosty retort.

"Jerkface."

"Dobe."

"Heeey, you promised not to call me that! You know I'm only the last in class 'cause of our plan to get on the same genin team."

"So? ...You started the name-calling, not me." Sasuke pauses, taking a deep sigh, and stands, dislodging the pile of notes in his lap. "You know what? We both need a break. This is going nowhere, fast."

He just doesn't understand Naruto's problem with genjutsu, especially **Bunshin no Jutsu**. His friend has already created a workaround for the **Henge**. Unfortunately, they've never managed to find a similar one for the **Bunshin**.

Naruto, shoulders slumping, moans in despair, "I'm totally going to fail, aren't I?"

Silence reigns for a moment, before Sasuke offers, "Naruto-kun. We both saw the records— others have passed without being able to do one of the basic three. Besides, maybe they won't test the **Bunshin**."

"You know they will. Iruka-sensei knows I still can't do it. He's such a pain..."

 _It's because he actually cares about his students_ , Sasuke thinks to himself.

And then— a moment of brilliance! Or insanity, maybe.

Sasuke's lips curl into a wicked smirk. "Then we'll make it impossible for him to fail you for it."

Naruto sputters, eyes wide at Sasuke's uncharacteristic behavior, "How?"

"How else? A prank. Our most brilliant prank ever."

Naruto listens intently as Sasuke outlines his idea, scowl slowly morphing into a manic grin.

This could really work. No— they would make it work.

Uzumaki and Uchiha, plotting together?

Nothing could stand against them and win!

* * *

By exam day, the rough plan they'd cobbled together has evolved into a thing of beauty.

They beg, bribe, and blackmail their classmates into cooperating.

Some of them, like Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata, need little convincing.

Kiba is always up for a prank. And Hinata is madly, desperately, and completely in love with Naruto. _Predictably_ , Sasuke muses as he watches the shy Hyuuga faint after her crush earnestly asks for her help, _Naruto remains completely oblivious._

Sometimes, the plan even requires sacrifice.

Sasuke stares, expression sullen. He should have known she'd turn this back on him.

The girl smiles, her grin reminiscent of a shark's, "You're making me put my career on the line... Of course I want a date."

 _Remember why you're doing this, Sasuke._ He takes a deep, steadying breath. _Think of the consequences of failure._

"Fine, Ino. One and only one date. Informal. Lunch. After we officially become genin."

The shriek of joy she emits makes him seriously consider whether long-term exposure to Naruto has affected his thought process. _The things I do for the sake of our friendship..._

It takes a massive amount of effort to convince everyone in class to join in on their prank, and even more to keep the plan secret until exam day, but...

Oh, but Iruka-sensei's expression on exam day is priceless.

It is the much-awaited moment of truth.

The entirety of the class has been dragged in front of the Hokage, who watches the scene with an amused glint in his eyes, grey puffs of smoke emerging from his pipe. Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei are desperately trying to explain the situation, talking over each other.

Some of the more sensitive kids in their class are cowering at the back of the room, near the door. Haruno Sakura looks as if she might cry at any moment.

Their explanation rapidly devolves into a rant of epic proportions. "This, this— childish rebellion! These moronic shenanigans!" Mizuki huffs like an angry bull, turning around and zeroing in on who he suspects is the instigator. "Uzumaki! I know this is your fault somehow— explain yourself!"

Iruka-sensei looks absolutely flabbergasted, even now. "How the hell did you manage to convince the entire class to fail the **Bunshin no Jutsu**?!"

Naruto grins unrepentantly in response, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Ehehehe... Well, you see..."

And the moment is just too perfect. Sasuke smirks, satisfied with the chaos they've managed to unleash. His dark eyes glint with cruel humor. _Time to stir the pot one last time._

He moves forward, standing beside Naruto and throwing an arm over his shoulders. "Why, sensei... Aren't you being just a little biased?" A sudden hush; it's as if all of the air rushes out of the room.

This statement is more than most people have ever heard Sasuke say outside of class. The entirety of the academy class, barring Shikamaru, stares at the pair in shock. Mizuki-sensei and Iruka-sensei have remarkably similar expressions of horror as the truth dawns on them.

"After all, it was my idea."

They couldn't fail everyone, after all.

* * *

So, what do you guys think?

An entertaining solution to the **Bunshin no Jutsu** issue. Thanks to EverRose808 for the prompt; I definitely laughed evilly when writing this one!


End file.
